What I wish I knew

I wish I knew that it didn’t matter

when people told me

that I’d look better if I was fatter,

“Are you anorexic?”, is what they’d ask,

as if throwing around these words

was the simplest of tasks.

“Oh but you’re so skinny!” they’d say in response,

while measuring my wrists

with their fists and nonchalance.

In every family gathering there’s someone who would say,

“You’re still so thin you should eat more”, as if I’d obey.

 

I wish I knew that the fair skinned Indian girls in advertisements,

represented only a few fragments,

of my non-white nation and that I didn’t need to lather on fairness creams

because my skin color already gleams

without it being laced with pastes that I googled endlessly.

 

I wish I knew that I would soon learn to love myself,

something I’m better at now,

I wish I held my head high and didn’t cry when someone commented about my weight

but its too late,

for what I wish could’ve been,

so I am glad I know now what I didn’t know then,

because this detection of my lack of affection has made me better at

loving all of my imperfections. ❤